A Certain Male Person and His Comrade

A certain male person whose name brings to mind any of various portable mechanisms for lifting heavy bodies short distances, accompanied by his close companion and comrade, ascended to the apex of a great mound of earth, for the purpose of obtaining a sufficient quantity of a colorless, tasteless liquid oxide of hydrogen to fill the watertight, cylindrical vessel made for just such a purpose, that they had in their possession at that moment. The male of the pair, most probably in a moment of carelessness, and not realizing the potential danger associated with his precarious position, lost his balance and, unable to regain it, plunged headlong down a nearby escarpment, resulting in a fractured skull and an accompanying concussion. His female counterpart, horrified by this sudden turn of events, was incapacitated by an attack of vertigo and suffered the same fate, only moments after the unfortunate mishap of the male.

Apparently, the concussion was not fatal, for the male quickly regained consiousness, and, realizing that he was in need of medical treatment, arose and hightailed it at top speed to his familiar domocile to obtain the desired treatment from the woman of the house, who seemed to be named after a small smear of a pasty substance. This woman, who enjoyed (?) a maternal relationship to both the injured parties, hastened to bind up the male's injured member with a poultice of dubious medicinal value. (Contained therein was only a sour liquid obtained by the acetic fermentation of dilute alcoholic beverages and a wad of dark ecru vegetable fibers. Dubious, no?)

When the female counterpart entered the room, she was unable to wipe the smirk from her face that had arisen upon her observation of the obviously amateurish attempt on the part of her mater to provide a medicament. Her mother, harassed and agitated by such a blow to her ego, and from a subordinate at that, flew into a frenzied rage and vituperated by lashing her with a hickory switch, or some other object whose function is identical. Her motivation for such a shocking display of antisocial behaviour is, reportedly, her daughter's grim enjoyment of her male sibling's cranial injury.

(translation)