Steve Kauder

After Diana Stroyan left our department, we needed a new manager, and Steve Kauder became that new manager. He came from the PICS (Phone-In Customer Support) area, where he'd gotten tired of handling emergencies all day every day. Steve enjoyed skiing, going to movies, composing and scoring music on his PC, and riding his Harley. But what he was most known for was his ability to always be up on the latest rumor. In high-tech corporations, there are always rumors about this project or that project, this person's job changing to that person's job, and so forth. If you wanted the latest rumor, Steve was the one to talk to. Steve was not technically very strong--his computer at work was rarely used for anything other than email--so the line below about his being "an e-mail power user" was laden with (non-malicious) sarcasm. When he left our department, he also left the high-tech industry, at least for a while.

The players in the computer industry are always leap-frogging one another, and every one of them is in front of the pack at one time or another, and the back of the pack and other times. At the end of 1992, Hewlett-Packard was toward the back of the pack in computer graphics, and rather than lay people off, HP offered VSI (Voluntary Severance Initiative). This was a financially attractive offer to encourage people to look for jobs elsewhere, and three people in our department decided to leave in January of 1993: Steve Kauder, Denise Praizler, and Rosemary Kramer. The ol' poem-writing pen was smokin' then. . .

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Cap'n Steve
Copyright 1993 David Arns

You can talk of downhill skiing
Or of movies that you're seeing
Or of driving toward the goals that you'll achieve,
But if you want the latest scoop
On the rumors for our group
Then you'd better give a call to Cap'n Steve.

You see, Steve's the kind of guy
Upon which you can rely
To have heard the latest rumor floating 'round;
If you need to know the "wherefores"
And what so-and-so went there for,
Then go to Steve; the grapevine will abound.

For it's Steve, Steve, Steve!
He has some rumors you just won't believe,
But right now, this Steven Kauda
Is doin' what he shouldn't oughta,
And that is: using VSI to leave.

Now, he came from California,
(I just figgered I should warn ya)
And you know what LA traffic does to folks,
So he came to Colorado,
Where the sun can cast a shadow,
For the air is somewhat clean of smogs and smokes.

Well, he took a new position
And he filled that requisition
Where he managed all the folks in Tech Support.
But later on, he started hatin'
How the things were escalatin'
So to Marketing he went, as last resort.

For it's Steve, Steve, Steve!
We should have known you'd something up your sleeve.
Our department you're designing
Even though you are resigning
And won't have to face the music once you leave.

From your wall, it would appear
You like to sing (and so we hear),
And for IBM PCs you having a liking.
And in UNIX, you're a bruiser,
You're an e-mail power-user!
And with your Harley, you enjoyed your biking.

But it's been a year and more,
Since you came in with a roar
And began to focus our divergent drives.
And now, so soon it's over;
We see Destiny has wove her
Complex tapestry of interwoven lives.

For it's Steve, Steve, Steve!
From daily work you have a short reprieve.
Then you'll have to find employment,
And cut short your calm enjoyment--
Ah, we never will forget you, Cap'n Steve.

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